I looked at my 11 year old son today and thought "OH MY GOD, who stole my toddler and replaced him with this.....well bloke really! All broad shoulders, big feet and a phone that rings permanently to the tone of Mr Blue Sky (ELO - we have taught him well!!!). It got me thinking on this wonderful Mother's day, have I really been there for him, savoured those special moments, really noticed him grow? Or did tiredness, work and those duller than dull daily tasks get in the way? It's so hard to be in the moment with children, the very nature of their being makes us constantly look ahead as we approach the next milestone and tick it off in our mental manual of motherhood! Each stage of childhood brings untold riches - that first smile, the first moment they roll over, the first time they sing a Tinie Tempeh track.....(google him!!) But, is this tempered by our desire to move onto the next stage so we can be rid of the more arduous tasks of parenting such as getting up in the night for feeds or dancing the merry "colic" dance?
And so it continues....oh how we hung on that first word "Shooooooooooe, shoe.................DAD HE SAID SHOE!!!" Ok... for a first word it was a bit random but I was beside myself with joy at this new development! Over time these words grew and grew until they numbered so many they squeezed the space out of my brain. You know that moment when the lift door opens, everyone packed in like sardines. There's only you waiting and you feel you have to get in and then it beeps for ages in protest. Well that's how it's felt sometimes when my precious boy overfilled my day with dialogue! And yes, I have been forced on occasions to say......"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE IT A REST". All that time teaching them to speak only to say....stop speaking! I hang my head in shame! So these wonderful beings we bring into the world continue to grow and blossom and we get sucked into a cycle of planning ahead, often without realising. Even now, when my son is still in the last year of primary school, I'm looking towards September when he goes to secondary school; checking out uniform, what he will need, who he will walk to school with and, to this end, allowing him to "practise" walking to school in preparation (while I wait patiently by the window, heart in mouth until he appears, waving and rolling his eyes at my anxiety). Where is the NOW in all of this?
But not to be too hard on myself (or mums in general), I guess this forward thinking is what keeps us afloat. It's perhaps inevitable that we live a little bit in the future so that we can pave the way for them, make their day a little easier, or bring some organisation to the chaos that can surround our kids. However, I think it's also about checking out that at some point in our day we really do pay them some proper attention; rather than that half-hearted "how was school?" said whilst making a stir-fry, doing the packed lunches and keeping an eye on twitter! (points for multi-tasking!! yes! Points for being mindful.....er no!). Learning mindfulness and developing a commitment to it has really helped me pause more, notice when I'm doing too many things at once without focus and it's enabled me to really look at what's before me. The only problem is, that since I last looked my cute little boy, all mucky faced and knobbley-kneed has started to change into man complete with deeper voice (eery! - I keep thinking there's a burglar upstairs then I realise it's my boy!), spots (please can I have my clinique concealer back) and bigger feet that mine!!! (AT LAST! I've got my trainers back - there are some perks to this growing lark).......BUT.....
I don't think I'm ready for this!!!
Have a wonderful mother's day!
Mindfulmissyxxx
ps I read this lovely poem today via Paulo Coelho's blog. It's really worth a moment's pause in your day to celebrate motherhood (or parenthood)
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/04/02/when-you-thought-i-wasn%e2%80%99t-looking/
pps have just had to break off to send text to son as it's chucking it down and he's out playing/hanging out with his friends! "Are you keeping dry?" I asked (sub-text, you might get a cold/flu/pneumonia/bubonic plague...somebody stop me!!). If I was a mindful mum I'd have said "Enjoy the rain"!!!! Still learning........
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